38 yo - Family and Loss: Reflecting on Loved Ones

I am trying to find some media where I can express my feelings. Not on my social media because I don't feel too comfortable sharing what's inside my head there.

Wow, it's been since 2008 that I first tried to start a blog. Really? It was 12 years ago... time flies, and I'm just starting now. 😊 It's okay.

Here I am in 2020, at 38 years old! I have two amazing kids, Bryna and Kaivan. They are the best part of my life.

I also have a very warm and lovely husband. And my biggest loves are my Mom, mother-in-law, and all the other big family members. Unfortunately, Papa, my lil brother Imam, Mbah Lami, Mbah Jiman, Pak Heri, and Kakek Husein have all passed away. May they rest in peace. I hope my kids and I will always remember them as cherished family members. We say a wish and a prayer for them every day, five times a day after prayers. I recently heard from Quroish Shihab's podcast that people who have passed away will stay in Barzah for a while. This is their opportunity to add to their good deeds through their family and people who always pray for them, especially by mentioning their names.

I feel shocked and regret the negligence I've shown so far in not praying for them regularly every day. Did you know that when a family member passes away and no one sends direct prayers for them, they will roam around to seek prayers and charities dedicated to the deceased in general? I feel so sad. I should have been praying for them every day, often. I will never let them keep busy, tormented, running to catch up with prayers for others. I promise to send prayers for them every day so they can just sit, relax, and truly rest in peace.

I love you.